A Quarantine Song for Introverts

I heard this song while driving in my car and I just knew I had to jump on the Corona Virus Parody bandwagon with it. So without further adeu, here is a quarantine song for all of you introverts out there set to the tune of Les Miserables' On My Own:

A Quarantine Song for Introverts

By Melody Beerbower

And now I'm all alone again, no where to go 

No work to run to,

Stuck here at home, without a friend

Without a face to say hello to. 

Everyone full of fear

Now that the quarantine is here. 

Sometimes I scroll along online

See everybody freaking 

I think of them and then I'm happy 

With the company I'm keeping 

The city goes crazy

And I can live inside in peace

On my own, pretending it's not normal 

All alone, my dress is never formal

Without work, my pets are all beside me

And I can stay in bed all day 

With nobody to chide me. 

In the store, the shelves they all are empty 

But in my home, I've got toilet paper plenty 

In the darkness, eating popcorn watching Netflix

If this is social distancing please sign me 

Up forever

And I know, that I don't really mind

That I'm talking to myself, and not to my friends

And although, there's Skype, Zoom, and FaceTime

Still I stay, far away from that. 

I know that, when quarantine is over

Won't change much, a loner's still a loner

Without it, my world-it hardly changes

Rather be stuck in here than anywhere 

I have to deal with strangers. 

Corona, one day it will be leaving

Everyone their social lives retrieving

Without it, our normal world returning

In a world that has no quarantine--

Still I'll be on my phone...

Because I love it

I love it 

I love it 

Just being on my own 

I know that this quarantine is not fun for everyone (most people), and I mean no offense to anyone who has been hit pretty hard by it and the virus. Know you're in my prayers, and I hope this little song helped to pass the time a bring a little laughter to you. Stay strong! 

12 Days of Bad Christmas Parodies

Now I have no data to back this up, but I believe the 12 Days of Christmas is the most parodied Christmas song around. And why not? A list that grows one item longer each time you sing has great comedic potential. Though there are some good parodies out there, (Straight No Chaser anyone?) a lot of them are mediocre and nearly as boring as the original. So, I took it upon myself to pen a parody propounding my pet peeves of the parodies' problems. Enjoy. (And feel free to skip to the last verse so save all the repetitions.)

Twelve Days of Christmas Parodies

By Melody Beerbower 

On the first day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

A headache that won't leave me be. 

On the second day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Two hours of singing

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the third day of Christmas

Bad parodies game to me

Three clever lines 

Two hours of singing

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the fourth day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me 

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Two hours of singing

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the fifth day of Christmas 

Bad parodies gave to me

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the sixth day of Christmas 

Bad parodies gave to me

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the seventh day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the Eighth day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the ninth day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Nine ambiguous numbers 

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the tenth day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Ten missing rhymes

Nine ambiguous numbers 

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the eleventh day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Eleven bad recordings

Ten missing rhymes

Nine ambiguous numbers 

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the twelfth day of Christmas 

Bad parodies gave to me 

Twelve boring repetitions

Eleven bad recordings

Ten missing rhymes

Nine ambiguous numbers 

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

Walk Like a Penguin

Hi everyone! 

It has been way to long since I posted, but this cold weather and a certain info-graphic has inspired me to write another parody.  

Here is the graphic:

(I've seen if on Facebook and someone I know said it's up at their work. Couldn't find copy right info on it though. Basically someone else made it, not me.)

Here is the song it reminded me of:

And here is my parody:

(I wrote it in basically one day as soon as I thought of it because I had to write it first before somebody else did!)

Walk like a Penguin

By Melody Beerbower  1-29-19

Tune: Walk like an Egyptian

All the cold winter days of gloom,

We have to walk through the ice and snow.

If you move to quick (oh way oh)

You’re fallin’ down like a domino.

All the weather men on TV

They say the cold just won’t relent.

Cold, walking folks, (oh way oh)

Could break their hips on the slick cement.

Science guys with their suits and ties say

“Stay home, stay home, stay-ay-ay hooooome.

Or walk like a Penguin.”

The drivers have to scrape their cars.

They’re spinning out as they hit black ice.

Forgot the milk (oh no no)

How do you think they make it from rice?

All the school children so sick of books.

They like days off, just wanna stay in.

When the bell rings (oh way oh)

They’re walking like penguins.

All the kids of the school age say,

“No school, no school, no-ooo-o school.”

Walk like a Penguin

Your center of gravity should be

On your front leg, not the back.

Winter’s hard you know (so much snow)

Make it better with this life hack.

If you want to learn how to walk right

Just watch the penguins cross the ice

They waddle, yes (oh so cute)

They never fall down (‘cept once or twice.)

Document’ries show how they win

And Cumberbatch can’t say “penguin”

And Eskimos (oh way oh)

They march in a line like penguins.

All the news in recent issues say,

“Stay home, stay home, stay-ay-ay hooome.”

Or walk like a Penguin.

Walk like a Penguin…

Be careful out there on the ice! But for today, probably just stay inside. :)

P.S for those who don't know the Cumberbatch reference check out this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrdSPDWxelY

Everyone Knows It's Amy

Time has come once more to do a birthday post. This time it is for my dear sister Amy. She has waited a long time for this moment--for the time when I would write her a song. Well Amy, here it is. Happy 17th! (And yes I know I'm a day late. I was waiting until she returned from her retreat.)

For those of you who do not know the tune, here it is:

Everyone Knows it’s Amy

By Melody Beerbower with Help from Jeannette, February 14, 2015

Who’s trippin’ down the steps of the stairway

Eager to tell something new that she’s learned

Who’s popping up in everyone’s picture

Everyone knows it’s Amy

Who’s wandrin’ through the aisles on a Sunday

Smilin’ at everybody she sees

Who’s reaching out to tickle the children,

Everyone knows it’s Amy

And Amy has gorgeous eyes

That brighten up all our lives

And Amy she always tries

To be a help

Who’s scribbling down the start of a story

In letters too small for people to see

Who’s drying pans with her little sister

Everyone knows it’s Amy

And Amy has gorgeous eyes

That someday will capture guys

 But she’s too young to form ties

For right now

 

Who’s trying out the schemes of her sister

Bumping her head and scraping her knee  

Who’s folding up a mountain of laundry

Everyone knows it’s Amy

And Amy has braces too

To make her smile look brand new

Improving it’s hard to do

Because it’s so bright

Who’s waited years for a song to be written

All about her with lyrics by me

Who will be thrilled to finally have one

Everyone knows it’s Amy

But Amy has another song

She’s hated it all along

To sing it now would be wrong

Let’s do anyway…

 Amy what you want to do?

 I think I could stay with you

 For a while, maybe longer if I do

Who’s reaching out to whop on my noggin

Mad and upset pretending to be

Who cannot hide the curve of her smile

Everyone knows it’s Amy

And Amy makes a real good friend

I could make verses again and ‘gain

But it’s time for this song to end

So that’s all for now

One Day More

I wrote this parody for a dear lady from my church who has been battling breast cancer. Tomorrow is her last day of radiation! She was the one who thought of singing "One Day More" on her last day; I just decided to give her some more words to celebrate with. :) 

For those of you who don't know the tune:

One Day More

By Melody Beerbower, 6-2-14

Dedicated to Mrs. Morgan

One day more

One last day, one last torturing 

Till I see the end of this road of suffering 

Praise God that it’s just one more time

If it were more I’d lose my mind

One day more. 

How did I make it to today?

My skin and I have slowly parted

One day more!

Tomorrow will be my last day!

It seems so long since all this started. 

One more day I’m on the bed

(Will the treatment ever end?)

One more day for my skin’s burning

(They’ve cooked me through and  through)

What despair I might have had

(It’s easy to fall into)

If it weren’t for all the prayer!

One more day to bear the storm

(No more radiation beams.)

In this battle with the cancer.

(No more claustrophobia.)

Though it’s been a long hard ride

(Still it's almost done.)

God was always there with me!

The time has come

The day is near!

One day more!

One more day of radiation

No it wasn’t very fun

I’m so glad it’s almost over

One more day and I’ll be done!

Energy to spare

Having lots of hair

Never know how blessed you are

Till it’s not there

Here a little scare

There a little sore

Most of me is aching

But there’s one day more!

One day to a new beginning!

This turkey’s ready to be done.

Let my skin begin to heal!

(Let my skin begin to heal!)

It feels so good now to be winning!

(It feels so good now to have won.) 

It just makes me want to sing!

With God right here

I’ll make it through!

One day more!

Tomorrow is another day

Tomorrow’s not so far away. 

Tomorrow I’ll be finished with the radiation I abhor!

One more dawn. One more day. 

ONE DAY MORE!

Mrs. Morgan, I'm so happy you're almost done! It's been an encouragement to me to see your faith in God, your trust in Him, and your joy. 

Love, Melody

Another Song on Weeding

Since we are well on our way into planting season, and those pesky weeds keep showing their faces, I decided today would be a good day to post my other song about wedding. (You can find my first one here) My sister helped me with this one many years ago as we toiled in the hot sun. Now you may pass those many wearisome hours joyfully, as we did, by singing this song. It is a parody of "Stars" from Les Miserables. Enjoy!

Weeds

By Melody Beerbower, spring 2010

To the tune of: Stars, from Les Miserables 

There, out in the garden

All our plants dying,

Choked by the grass

Choked by the weeds.

With all these weeds

Our plants never shall yield

Enough for our needs,

Enough for our needs.

They grow up in the dark

And we must pull them all out.

They grow up so fast there is no time for sitting about.

If we pull with all of our strength 

We just might pull them out!

Weeds,

In your multitudes 

Scarce to be counted,

Filling the garden,

Growing at will.

You’re the executioners,

Silent and sure

Always ready to kill

Always ready to kill.

We pull you out of the yard.

We pull you in the sun and the rain,

But each in your season

Returns and returns,

And is always a pain.

And if we pull with all of our strength

We pull in vain!

And so it must be!

And so it remains

Till we go to the doorway of paradise 

Those who garden 

And those who sow,

Must pay the price.

Still, I will fight them 

So, I may see them 

Dead in a heap!

I will never rest 

Till then, this I swear

This I swear by— by the Weeds!

Happy gardening to you all!

Weeding

I was out in the garden today doing what every gardener must do, that simple yet painstakingly tedious job of weeding. It reminded me of two parodies I have written on the subject, but as it was such a long time ago, I could not remember the lyrics. So I have now resurrected them from my archives and am posting one of them here for you enjoyment. I shall post the other at a later date.

This song is dedicated to all faithful gardeners out there who maintain never-ceasing vigilance over their garden beds, squashing all enemies who try to creep in unawares. It is dedicated to all those not so faithful gardeners who remind themselves that losing one battle does not mean the war is lost. (So what if the grass choked out your strawberries? If you persevere the rhubarb may still be saved!) And lastly, this song is dedicated to anyone who has ever stooped to pull a weed in the hot sun. You have my sympathy. I hope this song will console you next time you find yourself battling in the garden.

I Hate Weeding

By Melody Beerbower, spring 2010

To the tune of: Do Your Ears Hang Low (Click here for the tune and original lyrics.)

Oh, I hate weeds,

Cause they choke out all the seeds.

They use up all the soil that your rhubarb needs.

And no matter how hard you tug

In the ground they stay snug.

That’s why I hate weeds.

And weeding’s no fun,

Sitting out there in the sun,

Getting baked like a pancake

Because you cannot run.

It’s dirty and it’s hateful,

And I’m always very grateful

When the weeding’s done. 

But I’ll not complain—

Instead I’ll pray for rain,

Or maybe something better like a hurricane.

It would pull out all the weeds, 

But it might transplant the seeds.

Then I’d have to weed again. 

Maybe if I move along

And forget this little song,

The weeding wouldn’t take half so long,

But it’s way more fun

Sitting out here in the sun 

If you sing a song.

So a song I’ll sing

And weeds through the air I’ll fling

And I’ll wait for the summer to pass like the spring

Cause in winter weeds won’t grow

Instead the snow

Covers everything.

Until then I’ll be weeding,

Or maybe inside eating,

Or perhaps upstairs in my bedroom reading.

I may get sick as well,

You never can tell,

When it comes to weeding.

 (Don't worry. The other weeding song is much better than this one, but you'll have to wait until it's closer to summer to hear it.)

A song for Abby's Birthday

This is a song I wrote in honor of Abby's birthday. It's not the best, but at least I'm not writing about your nose like did for your brother's song.

All that to say, Happy Birthday Abby, and here's your song--my first, and probably not last, Veggietale parody.

A Song for Abby's Birthday
By Melody Beerbower, Oct. 10, 2013

A girl was born not so long ago, her memory's quite dear
She had a birthday (Please shout hurray!) like most people do each year.
And people wished her Birthday Cheer, All Happiness-- the lot
They told her on the day (in a special way)
But somehow I forgot
So-oooooo...

I wrote this song for you for birthday
It's a little sappy and several days past due.
But if I sing this song for your birthday,
It's sure to make all your dreams come true.
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-lee-eee-ooo
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo
Yada-yada yada-yada yad-eee-ooo

(In case you were wondering, I did not put as many verses in as there are in the original song. My inspiration ran out.)

I Love You Blanky

 I Love You Blanky
By Melody Beerbower, with help from my sister, Aug. 25, 2013

You’re just too soft to be true
Can’t take my hands off of you
You are like heaven to touch
I love to hold you so much
At long last night has arrived
I sleep with you by my side
You’re just too soft to be true
Can’t take my hands off of you

Pardon the way that I stop
When I walk past in a shop
The sight of soft things makes me swoon
I wrap up like a cocoon
I must see how you feel
To let me know that you’re real
You’re just too good to be true
Can’t take my hands off of you

I love you blanky
And if it’s quite alright
I need you blanky
To warm the chilly night
I love you blanky
Trust in me when I say
Oh fuzzy blanky
Please do not hide away
Oh fuzzy blanky
Now that I found you, stay and let me hold you
Blanky let me hold you

You’re just too soft to be true
Can’t take my hands off of you
You are like heaven to touch
I love to hold you so much
At long last night has arrived
And I have you at my side
You’re just too soft to be true
Can’t take my hands off of you



I love you blanky
And if it’s quite alright
I need you blanky
To warm the chilly night
I love you blanky
Trust in me when I say
Oh fuzzy blanky
Please do not hide away
Oh fuzzy blanky
Now that I found you stay
Of fuzzy blanky
Trust in me when I say
I need you blanky
So please don’t hide away
Of fuzzy blanky
Now that I found you stay
And let me hold you blanky
Let me hold you…