12 Days of Bad Christmas Parodies

Now I have no data to back this up, but I believe the 12 Days of Christmas is the most parodied Christmas song around. And why not? A list that grows one item longer each time you sing has great comedic potential. Though there are some good parodies out there, (Straight No Chaser anyone?) a lot of them are mediocre and nearly as boring as the original. So, I took it upon myself to pen a parody propounding my pet peeves of the parodies' problems. Enjoy. (And feel free to skip to the last verse so save all the repetitions.)

Twelve Days of Christmas Parodies

By Melody Beerbower 

On the first day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

A headache that won't leave me be. 

On the second day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Two hours of singing

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the third day of Christmas

Bad parodies game to me

Three clever lines 

Two hours of singing

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the fourth day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me 

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Two hours of singing

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the fifth day of Christmas 

Bad parodies gave to me

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the sixth day of Christmas 

Bad parodies gave to me

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the seventh day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the Eighth day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the ninth day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Nine ambiguous numbers 

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the tenth day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Ten missing rhymes

Nine ambiguous numbers 

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the eleventh day of Christmas

Bad parodies gave to me

Eleven bad recordings

Ten missing rhymes

Nine ambiguous numbers 

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the twelfth day of Christmas 

Bad parodies gave to me 

Twelve boring repetitions

Eleven bad recordings

Ten missing rhymes

Nine ambiguous numbers 

Eight phrases in awkward timing 

Seven amateur writers 

Six off-tune notes 

Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in

Four laughing friends

Three clever lines 

Too bad it's not done

And a headache that won't leave me be. 

Costumes

In honor of Halloween, I decided to make a blog post of some of my many costumes I made over the summer. I had grand expectations of posting one costume a day in October until Halloween, but here I am, Halloween over, and just now writing this blog post, which may or may not be interesting to whoever reads it. 

This years Fourth of July Costume: Bald Eagle
(with the same bow tie as the year before.)

It all started two years ago, summer 2018, when I was working at Camp Beechpoint as younger girl's coach. Fourth of July week I decided to wear something patriotic everyday, which culminated in me wearing a patriotic cowboy hat, a minion with a matching patriotic cowboy hat, a red, white and blue t-shirt with stars, a sparkly red, white and blue bow tie, blue shorts and knee-length American flag socks. No, I don't think I have a picture of this. Just trust me. It was not the strangest thing I wore. I wore this outfit all day, (which contributed to me getting a minor case of heat exhaustion, but worth it right?)

Well the next week, everyone was asking me,"What are you going to be this week?" 

And so it began...

Each new day brought a new costume depending on the theme. 


Sometimes I had some other awesome people dress up with me:

Circus Week 2018 Staring a Clown, a Lion, and a Monkey

And then summer 2019 came, and I was a coach again, and I had people asking me, "Are you dressing up this year?" 

And as I am such a crowd pleaser, I did. 

Pharaoh's Daughter (and baby Moses)

Balaam's Donkey (Not Bug's Bunny)

Ok, lets be real. I loved dressing up as much as the kids (and staff) enjoyed seeing me dressed up. 

And perhaps even more.

Kangaroo from my Creation theme week

If you look closely you can see a Baby kangaroo in my pouch
(It might look more like a moose, if you don't have a good imagination.)

 We did not have themed weeks this summer, so it was a little trickier coming up with costume ideas. I ended up doing my own personal costume themes, basing them off something in the Bible. 

Sunflower created day 3

The costumes then turned into a "Who am I?" game, where the campers got to guess my costume and some Bible trivia to earn cabin points. 

We had the return of last years favorite: the sun. This of course was recreated on biscuits and gravy day so as to take another Jimmy Deans commercial photo. (I have last years photo somewhere, but I'm too lazy to go find it right now.) 

Materials: poncho, trashcan lid, hula-hoop, tape

I believe this was the only repeat costume from last year.

Woman from the Parable of the Lost coin

Wise man's House, one of my favorites

I don't remember all my themes, nor do I have pictures of all my costumes. You can be glad because at 5 costumes a week for 7 weeks, that comes to 35 costumes...

Each costume was made (predominately) from 6-7am the morning of and made out of materials/clothing from the camp program room. (Which you will see in the background of most of the selfies.)

This is me as a pineapple.

The pineapple doesn't represent
 a certain fruit of the spirit.

My Pineapple costume was the only one that I bought something for (the net part which inspired the costume.) This was the beginning of the fruit of the spirit week where I dressed up as a different thing each day which represented a fruit of the Spirit. Can you guess which fruit each costume represents?

1) A Hippie 

Totally could wear this outfit daily if I wasn't a little self conscience 

Probably the easiest one to guess

2) A dog. 

This one was the hardest for people to guess. Also, for some reason, the girls were much better at this game than the guys.

3) Poison Ivy

So...funny story. I really had poison Ivy when I dressed up like this. I mean, really had it bad. For several weeks. It was so hard not to scratch, hence the irony of the costume.

Funny story: after drawing and cutting out the leaves for this costume, I can now identify poison ivy, which I never was able to do before, despite studying pictures of it and having people point it out to me. 

4) A Clock 


(Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast to be exact)

And the Answers are:

1) Peace

2) Faithfulness

3) Selfcontrol

4) Patience 

The next few costumes are from Christmas in July week. I had a friend dress up with me, Gregory the Giraffe. 

 Gregory dressed up as my sheep while I was a Christmas shepherd. He was a big hit with the kids, and he even stuck around to help me teach fireside that night, acting as the lost sheep from the parable. 

Probably my hardest costume to put together, hence all the pictures.

Gregory showed up again as Sir Carmichael, my Camel; however all the kids were too smart and realized it was just Gregory in disguise.  They were quite happy to see him again.

Sir Carmichael the Camel brought to you in part
 by the re-purposed clock costume

Turban brought to you in part by a camper
who made me the beautiful necklace

Selfie with Me and Gregory

Me and Gregory running around the dining hall 

 Christmas in July also brought the return of the Christmas present. (So I guess there were 2 repeat costumes from last year. Though, the style of the present was different this year.)

My big box costumes are my favorite. (Shout out to Daniel who saved them for me!) I like them because I can barely move in them, so they always make people laugh. And that is the best part of dressing up. 

New to this year was the umbrella Christmas tree.

I'm aware it looks a little bit like it should be in a horror movie.
The decorations kept falling off. 

Yes, I could see to walk around in it. There were little spy holes at the top, plus the cloth was pretty see-through. 

The rest of my costume pictures come from my Bible Animals week, which was the last week of the summer. 

Starting with a very tame lion:

Followed by a Locust:

 An ant

A Rooster

              

 And my personal favorite, a whale. Aka "Big Fish".

This costume longer than the others.  Maybe 4-5hrs all together over several days. It even had a blow hole:
A straw through the top which I could squirt water out of and make all the kids scream. 

There is a lot more I could say about the costumes, how I made them, what I learned, how awkward it is having serious conversations when you're dressed head to toe like a flower or some kind of animal...ect., but this blog post is long enough, and I've run out of pictures to keep you interested. 

So I'll just answer a few questions for you before I leave.

Was it hard coming up with a new costume each day?

A little

Was it stressful?

At times.

Was it worth it?

You better believe it. 

Three Line Poems

Three-Line Poems
By Melody Beerbower 9-9-19

What's the point of three-line poems?
You've hardly got started,
And then they're done.

My Kids

As many of you know, I just got back from working at summer camp. I've been wanting to write a poem about camp for a long time, but there were too many feelings, memories, and moments to capture in one poem. Besides, everything felt really cheesy. I was attempting to write an essay on camp, when the first two lines of this poem popped into my head, and I knew I had the beginning I was looking for. I don't know if I successfully steered away for the cheesy, but I think the poem accurately captures not only my feelings about camp, but also many of the memories I have from there.

I hope that there is some universal truths captured in this poem as well that will resonate with you even if you've never worked at a camp before. Without further ado, here is the poem.

My Kids
By Melody Beerbower 8-24-2019

I call them my kids,
But they're not really mine.
How could they be?
There are too many of them.
Eight in a cabin
Three cabins a week
seven weeks of the summer
Four years in a row...
How could they all be mine?

I've forgotten many names,
Though there's always an Amaya, a Britney, a Kailey,
I do remember the dark brown eyes
The hazel, the green, the blue.
I remember the smiles, the pouts
The long red hair, the bright blue weave,
The blond braids, the prickly undercut
The zig-zagged cornrows.

I remember their skin as dark as charcoal,
Coffee beans, coco,
Light as caramel, yellow as the sand on the beach,
Olive, tan, pale, pink as a sunburned cloud.
I remember the bruised, the scared
The smooth, the ashy, the hairy, the freckled.
I remember then much shorter
The year before.
They always insist on coming back older
Than they were.

How could they be mine?
They all have families.
Dad in jail. Mother on drugs.
Or was it the other way 'round?
Lots of grandmas who love them,
And grandmas who don't.
Aunts and cousins
Step-brothers and half-sisters
Older siblings who are more like parents,
And close friends who are more like family
Than those related by blood.
Biological, adopted,
Fostering, homeless

I wonder what they will remember...
A skinny white girl with a big smile,
A little too energetic,
Who wore strange costumes and was always singing,
Who taught them about God
And how to forgive. 

Will they remember the buzz of the fan on hot nights
When I stepped into the cabin
To scold them and sing them to sleep?

Will they remember the cold lake water
That splashed their face
As we dashed in holding hands and screaming?

The Bible verses sung with raspy voices
Worn out from cheering?
The picnic table talks
Where they spilled their frustrations
And we discussed how Jesus would react?

The thunk of an arrow hitting the target for the first time.
The joy of capturing tiny toads.
The smooth speed of slipping down the water slide

The simple fireside stories
Spoken as the sun turned the lake and sky
A deeper orange than the fire that flickered before them...

What makes you belong to someone?
Is it traced through the blood:
Mother, father, sister, brother?
Is it based on the authority they hold over you?
Caregiver, guardian,
Teacher, correction officer.
Or is it more?

I was responsible for them for a week.
I've been called Mama.
And teacher.
Been cussed at,
And told I was hated,
But I loved each one of them
And so 
I call them my kids--
Even though I know they belong to others
Even though I may not see them again.
And it's ok,
Because I know who they truly belong to
And He is able to care for them better
Than I even could. 

Hope you enjoyed. Don't forget to pray for the kids in you life, even if they're not really yours. :) 

Walk Like a Penguin

Hi everyone! 

It has been way to long since I posted, but this cold weather and a certain info-graphic has inspired me to write another parody.  

Here is the graphic:

(I've seen if on Facebook and someone I know said it's up at their work. Couldn't find copy right info on it though. Basically someone else made it, not me.)

Here is the song it reminded me of:

And here is my parody:

(I wrote it in basically one day as soon as I thought of it because I had to write it first before somebody else did!)

Walk like a Penguin

By Melody Beerbower  1-29-19

Tune: Walk like an Egyptian

All the cold winter days of gloom,

We have to walk through the ice and snow.

If you move to quick (oh way oh)

You’re fallin’ down like a domino.

All the weather men on TV

They say the cold just won’t relent.

Cold, walking folks, (oh way oh)

Could break their hips on the slick cement.

Science guys with their suits and ties say

“Stay home, stay home, stay-ay-ay hooooome.

Or walk like a Penguin.”

The drivers have to scrape their cars.

They’re spinning out as they hit black ice.

Forgot the milk (oh no no)

How do you think they make it from rice?

All the school children so sick of books.

They like days off, just wanna stay in.

When the bell rings (oh way oh)

They’re walking like penguins.

All the kids of the school age say,

“No school, no school, no-ooo-o school.”

Walk like a Penguin

Your center of gravity should be

On your front leg, not the back.

Winter’s hard you know (so much snow)

Make it better with this life hack.

If you want to learn how to walk right

Just watch the penguins cross the ice

They waddle, yes (oh so cute)

They never fall down (‘cept once or twice.)

Document’ries show how they win

And Cumberbatch can’t say “penguin”

And Eskimos (oh way oh)

They march in a line like penguins.

All the news in recent issues say,

“Stay home, stay home, stay-ay-ay hooome.”

Or walk like a Penguin.

Walk like a Penguin…

Be careful out there on the ice! But for today, probably just stay inside. :)

P.S for those who don't know the Cumberbatch reference check out this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrdSPDWxelY