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Monday, December 16, 2019

12 Days of Bad Christmas Parodies

Now I have no data to back this up, but I believe the 12 Days of Christmas is the most parodied Christmas song around. And why not? A list that grows one item longer each time you sing has great comedic potential. Though there are some good parodies out there, (Straight No Chaser anyone?) a lot of them are mediocre and nearly as boring as the original. So, I took it upon myself to pen a parody propounding my pet peeves of the parodies' problems. Enjoy. (And feel free to skip to the last verse so save all the repetitions.)

Twelve Days of Christmas Parodies
By Melody Beerbower 

On the first day of Christmas
Bad parodies gave to me
A headache that won't leave me be. 

On the second day of Christmas
Bad parodies gave to me
Two hours of singing
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the third day of Christmas
Bad parodies game to me
Three clever lines 
Two hours of singing
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the fourth day of Christmas
Bad parodies gave to me 
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Two hours of singing
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the fifth day of Christmas 
Bad parodies gave to me
Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Too bad it's not done
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the sixth day of Christmas 
Bad parodies gave to me
Six off-tune notes 
Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Too bad it's not done
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the seventh day of Christmas
Bad parodies gave to me
Seven amateur writers 
Six off-tune notes 
Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Too bad it's not done
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the Eighth day of Christmas
Bad parodies gave to me
Eight phrases in awkward timing 
Seven amateur writers 
Six off-tune notes 
Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Too bad it's not done
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the ninth day of Christmas
Bad parodies gave to me
Nine ambiguous numbers 
Eight phrases in awkward timing 
Seven amateur writers 
Six off-tune notes 
Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Too bad it's not done
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the tenth day of Christmas
Bad parodies gave to me
Ten missing rhymes
Nine ambiguous numbers 
Eight phrases in awkward timing 
Seven amateur writers 
Six off-tune notes 
Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Too bad it's not done
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the eleventh day of Christmas
Bad parodies gave to me
Eleven bad recordings
Ten missing rhymes
Nine ambiguous numbers 
Eight phrases in awkward timing 
Seven amateur writers 
Six off-tune notes 
Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Too bad it's not done
And a headache that won't leave me be. 

On the twelfth day of Christmas 
Bad parodies gave to me 
Twelve boring repetitions
Eleven bad recordings
Ten missing rhymes
Nine ambiguous numbers 
Eight phrases in awkward timing 
Seven amateur writers 
Six off-tune notes 
Fiiiiiive ex-tra syllables that make you talk really fast to fit them all in
Four laughing friends
Three clever lines 
Too bad it's not done
And a headache that won't leave me be.